


Welcome to the Mighty Nein

by regularturtle



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Crack, Gen, Humor, spurt's a Major Character in my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 08:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17618819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regularturtle/pseuds/regularturtle
Summary: Mollymauk meets someone in the afterlife, who is... apparently... a member of the Mighty Nein?





	Welcome to the Mighty Nein

**Author's Note:**

> I don't remember exactly what it was, but Caleb said something about if Spurt did something he would be a member of the M9 forever. I'm assuming he did that thing because I don't feel like going back in the episode to check.
> 
> This is poorly written but I don't care. Spurt lived for less than 30 minutes so I have to spend less than 30 minutes on this, it's only RIGHT
> 
> also I'm gonna change the title probably, I just wanted to post this ASAP. enjoy my children

"Who in the Nine Hells is _this?"_

The Raven Queen’s champion made a strangled noise. A couple of inky feathers drifted slowly to the ground as his shoulders shook, his body nearly doubled over as he tried not to laugh.

“This is—“ He coughed and tried to compose himself. _This shouldn’t be funny, stop it. Someone died._

Well, maybe it was a _little_ funny.

Mollymauk and Vax’ildan were standing in a field, a calm breeze gently nudging the waist-high grass around them, which was _just_ barely above the head of the kobold that they had come to greet. Said kobold was currently dashing around the field, shouting something about not being able to see, not knowing what was around him—it was hard to make it out exactly. The high-pitched voice was _quite_ difficult to comprehend.

Vax took a deep breath. “You told me you wanted to be here to greet any member of your group that met their demise.”

Molly stared at him. “Any member of... I’ve been watching them practically this entire time! I _think_ I would recognize this...” He waved his hand, gesturing towards the creature still running around wildly, a faint buzzing noise coming from its direction. “...This.”

Finally, the laughter escaped from Vax, his outburst drawing the frantic kobold to a halt. “Spurt—“ He gasped for breath, leaning over with his hands on his knees and tears in his eyes. “Spurt is—“

 _”Spurt?_ Gods, Vax, just tell me what’s going on here. What the _fuck.”_

“Alright, alright, _fine,_ I’ll explain.” He straightened his posture, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. “Your wizard friend made some comment about this kobold, Spurt, helping them, making him a member of the Mighty Nein forever.” He pointes towards Spurt, who was slowly inching through the grass towards them, _apparently_ trying to be stealthy. _How adorable._

“Well, Mollymauk Tealeaf, here you are. Your first Mighty Nein welcome to the afterlife.”

Molly stood still for a second, the gears seeming to turn in his head as he contemplated this sudden turn of events.

Then he shrugged, his mouth widening into a grin. “Yeah, no, this tracks for those idiots.” He reached down, snatching the kobold out of the grass two feet from him—holding the spitting lizard creature as far away from himself as possible, of course, because _what is that buzzing._

“Spurt! Welcome to the Mighty Nein!”

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh just FYI I wrote this kinda from Vax's POV even though I've only watched up to the very beginning of the chroma conclave arc. if it’s OOC don’t even bother telling me I will take NO constructive criticism on this piece of flaming garbage


End file.
